


Demons he can't fight

by MattLightwood (TanyaHarries)



Series: Malec Drabbles [12]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Dementia, Hallucinations, M/M, Nightmares, Sad, post show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 17:12:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8541769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TanyaHarries/pseuds/MattLightwood
Summary: At 4AM it's not strange to hear his screams.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So basically I got this idea listening to the same song from _Just Shine On_ , and I was actually going to use the lyrics to help me write this but I kinda didn't need it. Listening to James Blunt makes me feel many things tbh.
> 
> _**Trigger warning:** Dementia and hallucinations are mentioned!_

It’s 4AM and Magnus is awake, a mug full of coffee in his hand.

This wasn’t the first night you could find the High Warlock of Brooklyn awake past midnight on a Tuesday. Actually, Magnus couldn’t remember when was the last time he slept for more than three hours straight. He wasn’t experiencing insomnia, nightmares weren’t interrupting his sleep, not even anxiety or occupations were stealing his time to close his eyes.

The reason of his sleepless nights was suddenly screaming, and if Magnus wasn’t as used to it as he was after years of dealing with the same, he would probably drop his mug for it to shatter and spill its contents on the floor. But he was used to not even flinch when the piercing cries broke the silence of the loft; he was used to leave his mug on the table and run to his room without breaking a vase on his way. This was a normal night on any other week or month.

Alexander was twitching, trembling, kicking and screaming on the bed; he was calling many names and begging the _monsters_ not to kill him. He was asking people that he knew and loved not to hurt him. As heartbreaking as it was, Magnus heard worst things haunting his husband on worst nights than this one. Nights in which Alec would beg Magnus to kill him to take the pain away; to make the monsters go and set him free.

Magnus’ hands found Alec’s shoulders in the dark and pushed him down gently, until he was lying on his back again. Alexander was sweating cold and his breathing was alarmingly agitated. Magnus cupped his face between his hands and shushed his husband gently until his hazel eyes were staring at him blankly in the middle of the dark that filled their room.

“It’s okay, my love. I’m here,” Magnus reassured him, caressing his cheeks again and again, trying to clean the tears off his face. “I was just drinking coffee on the other room. The monsters can’t hurt you, my love, not when I’m here.”

“No, no,” Alec cried, his hands finding Magnus’ wrists and holding on to them for dear life. “They were _here_ , Magnus. They were going to _kill_ me.”

“No one is going to kill you, baby. I’m going to protect you from them,” Magnus knew he was using a tone that he would a child, but Alec was far gone from understanding the difference between tones, “I promised, remember? I _promised_ you.”

“Yes, yes, I _remember_ ,” Alec muttered under his breath, and even as he started to recover from his breakdown he seemed to be in great pain. “Please don’t go. Don’t leave me. If you’re not here they are going to come back.”

Magnus contained a grimace and instead took a deep breath. It didn’t matter how many years have passed or that Alec was a thirty year old man, everyday seeing him like this, _listening_ to him begging for his protection, it was still painful; it reminded Magnus of the things he could’ve done differently and all the mistakes he made. But he knew that if he showed Alec even half of this remorse he could lose him forever. So instead of crying his pain away, Magnus smiled for his dear husband and gently caressed his face and combed his soaked hair off his forehead. Alexander stared at him, some of the light reappearing in his eyes as he did.

“I will stay here with you, I swear.” Magnus made sure to fluff his pillow and cover him with the blankets before standing from where he was kneeling on the ground. “But I’ll just go get my coffee from the other room for a-”

“NO! Please,” he begged moving fast as the wind to hold Magnus’ hand with unnecessary force. He probably didn’t notice his own aggressiveness. “If you go now -if you leave me _they_ will come back. You have to stay.”

It was incredible how this never tired him or made him lose his patience; Magnus learned that some things weren’t going to be solved with him yelling or losing his cool. Even if he knew that Alec’s fears were ridiculous, he couldn’t bring himself to disagree with him or ignore him. If there was something that he could not bear was Alec’s screams. So he moved around the bed and got under the covers, bringing Alec’s body closer to his, allowing the younger to curl around him and rest his head on his chest while Magnus caressed his hair and his back, singing a lullaby to him in such a low voice that Alec probably couldn’t understand the words.

Minutes later, Alexander was fast asleep in his arms, his breath even as if what happened was nothing more than a nightmare. On some nights Magnus convinced himself that these were actually bad dreams, that the next day everything would be okay. But that was many, many years ago.

One of the things that always worried Magnus about being an immortal being was that someday he was probably going to lose his mind, and he dreaded that moment every night that he spent alone in his four hundred years. But now that he had Alec, a young shadowhunter with dementia in his arms he knew that losing his mind wasn’t as scary as having the one you love the most suffer from that very real pain.

The demons could not touch Alec anymore, but they were still in the room every night, when Alec found himself alone on the bed.

Magnus was used to it. But he wasn’t used to the pain.

**Author's Note:**

> You can always talk or yell at me on [tumblr](http://mattlightwood.tumblr.com)!


End file.
